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OCD and Me

I know everyone thinks I have OCD because I do like a clean, organized, orderly environment.  Before I had kids I actually filed my t-shirts upright in a drawer by color.  I organized my CD's by artist by release date from that artist, and I lived in what many have called a museum.  I would dispute that claim, but I can't fight the masses and their opinion of me.  I have always lived by the belief that God is a God of order and we should live ordered lives too.  If you don't live orderly, then you can't possibly be right with God--ha ha!  Just kidding!  But the truth is, I don't like nastiness, and, though I hate to say it, I have judged people on the basis of whether they look nasty or not...and believe me, I'm convinced some individuals just look like they may not wash all the crevices thoroughly...but that's an entirely different blog :) 

Today, however, I joined forces with the 'nasty' people I secretly judge so often.  I came to work without taking a shower.  I keep telling you that those kids in my house are rubbing off on me, and my not bathing before coming to work this morning is living proof.  Now before you get totally grossed out and think I've completely lost my mind, I did put on deodorant and brush my teeth thoroughly, so I didn't go total funk on you all today.  I got up, ate breakfast with my family, and when I came back to take a shower I looked in the mirror and saw that my hair actually looked halfway decent and I really didn't need to wash it.  I hadn't done anything strenuous or dirty since my last shower, and I only had 1 meeting today.  So, I was like, "Why not!"  So, I brushed my teeth, put on the deodorant and little cologne, threw on some jeans and a t-shirt, and hit the road.  My kids would be so proud of their daddy!  The truth is that the little rugrats in my house hate to bathe.  You would think we had stabbed them in the eye with a fork sometimes when we tell them it's time to take a shower because of the weeping and gnashing of teeth they melt into when told to go get clean...and don't even get me started on our fight to get them to brush their teeth!  That leads me to say on a side note, my OCD regarding clean, white teeth will never go away and I am proud to have that be a part of my personality.  I don't do 'yuck mouth', so if you haven't brushed your teeth and couldn't care less what your teeth look like, don't come around me because I'm liable to tell you! 

Anyway, the three little dirty yuck mouths in my house are way more interested in getting the most out of life, which includes playing every second they are awake, and to stop and have to take a shower impedes on the ability to do that, so there is an all out mutiny in our home when it comes to bath time.  To be honest, I think they may be on to something.  They are way more interested in living life to the fullest, being fully abandoned to whatever comes that may be fun and abundantly active, than they are about their skin, hair, or teeth being clean.  I will have to say that the time I saved this morning getting ready, was worth it, so I'm not so sure they are totally wrong, but for the sake of all you who are worried I may go on a bathing strike, do NOT fear!  That ain't happenin' anytime soon!  What I do believe is this is a hint of what Jesus meant when He said that we need to come to Him as little children.  Children couldn't care less about how they look on the outside.  They come sticky, dirty, muddy, sweaty, stinky...halitosis and all...they just come as who they are and trust completely that you will accept them as such, because we always do without question.  I want so badly not to raise little Pharisees, and when they don't want to wash what's on the outside, but are more interested in fulfilling their heart's desire, they are modeling the humility of what it means to come to Jesus dirty, in our worst state, full of sin and not worry about being rejected.  Kids know we aren't going to turn them away just because their outside is messy and unclean, and as Jesus draws us to Himself, He won't turn us way either...no matter how bad or messed up you are or have been on the inside.  I don't want to be a Pharisee and I definitely don't want my kids to be Pharisees, so in honor of that, I haven't washed the 'outside of the cup' today, I'm taking the lead from my kids and worrying more about fulfilling what the inside needs--having fun in Jesus and living life to the fullest.  Now that's abundant living!

Hunger and Thirst

It never fails.  God knows what He is doing and how to stop me in my tracks.  I am booked with speaking engagements this week for Camp All-American, and then I will be teaching twice on Sunday morning in our Kids Church, so I am having to prepare well for the 6 times I am speaking this week.  Well, tonight I began the process of trying to figure out exactly where God wants me to take my talk for Sunday morning, and again, He used what I am to teach on to convict and challenge me.  I'm teaching on Matthew 5:6, "Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they shall be filled," and, of course, He uses the dang kids that live in my house and take all my money to teach me more about my sin.  I honestly believe we have the hungriest kids on the planet.  If you were a fly on the walls of our house, and didn't know anything except what you heard, you would think that we lock our kids in the closet and never feed them.  Starving kids in third world countries don't whine and complain as much about wanting something to eat as our kids do.  Now don't go all crazy on me and accuse me of making fun of kids in third world countries or not feeding my kids enough because that is not the case at all, nor is it my point or intention.  What I am trying to say here is that even though we feed our kids 3 + healthy meals a day, give them an inordinate amount of healthy snacks at their disposal, and rarely make them go more than 2 hours at a time without eating, they still scream what seems like 5 minutes after they have just scarfed down a bunch of food that they are hungry again.  If I didn't know better, I would think the two oldest of our 3 have tape worms longer than the street we live on living inside them.  Those suckers can eat, and eat, and keep on eating.  They are like the Energizer bunny when it comes to putting away some food and snacks.  Our monthly grocery bill could afford me and Kristen a nice Lexus, but so I don't go to jail for starving my kids, I guess I must go without the Lexus and give it all to Kroger and Natural Foods Warehouse (have I whined to you lately how expensive that place is) to feed these 'starving' kids.  I hope you know I say what I say for dramatic effect and I don't begrudge feeding my kids at all (though a Lexus would be nice).  What is say I say in jest, and to hopefully make you all chuckle along with me at this debacle of full blown parenting I am living in, but that I honestly love all at the same time.  Okay,  I digress and must get back to the point I am trying to make.  You see, I started this blog entry almost a week ago, which speaks to my own attention deficit issues, and am just now finishing it because God had some more work (and still does) to do on me where hunger and thirst are concerned.  I'm past my speaking engagements for Camp All-American and Kids Quest, and thankfully I can't shake what the Holy Spirit is cultivating in me regarding hungering and thirsting for righteousness.  Just like my kids can't seem to go 5 minutes without needing food, God wants me to be that hungry and thirsty for His righteousness.  Literally, Jesus would laugh out loud if 5 minutes after I finish a time of personal worship I came back and said, "I need more.  I'm still hungry!"  What would that look like?  I hunger for a house with a yard, an updated car with DVD player and GPS, the latest from J Crew, and the ability to not look the 42 years that I am, and I lose sight of what I really need to hunger and thirst for because I'm so lost in what the world and my flesh says I need.  "Woe, is me!  I am a man of unclean lips and heart..."--that is my version of what Isaiah said in chapter 6.  I can't do this hunger and thirst for righteousness thing on my own.  I can't work it up.  Only the Holy Spirit can give it to me and help me live it out.  In order to do that, I need to look at Matthew 5:1 - 10, break it down, and truly see what God is saying to me.  Here is what I see:

1.  I must realize I am a total spiritual invalid.  There is nothing good in me whatsover, and I can't do anything to be good and right in God's eyes.  That is being poor in Spirit.

2.  I must mourn my sin.  Godly sorrow and mourning bring true repentance, and the ability to see my poorness of spirit and mourn it are all part of the Holy Spirit's work.

3.  I must accept without fighting, blame shifting, or arguing what it is that God says about me and the punishment me and my sin deserve.  That is meekness.

Matthew 5:1 - 6 tell us what needs to happen in order for us to hunger and thirst for that righteousness, and then Matthew 5:7 - 10 tell us what that righteousness is (mercy, purity, and peacemaking) and that we will be persecuted in various ways (big or small) for living out that righteousness by the power of the Holy Spirit.  All that said, it has been made anew to me once again that once I understand, accept, and embrace the fact that Jesus lived that righteous life for me and became the ultimate sacrifice for my sin, then the Holy Spirit intervenes and causes me to hunger and thirst after right living...after righteousness.  And though my salvation was a one time event, my need to come back to the table to be filled is a daily, hourly, minute-by-minute need.  Just like no matter what we feed them, our kids can't seem to get enough to eat, I too pray that no matter how much I am filled with the Good News and the Word, I'll always soon after have an appetite for more.  So, feed your kids, but feed your soul more.  Selah.

Hog Ties and Big Wheels

I understand more and more why some animals eat their young.  No, I’m not espousing that practice, but sometimes it seems like that may be the only way to deal wit the mystery that is raising children in this mixed up world.  I shut down last night.  I picked up the Bible to read a story to the Bryant Crew, but I just couldn’t do it.  I was so angry and frustrated with our 5-year-old son, Levi, I couldn’t even calm my brain down enough to focus on what passage I should even read.  If it wasn’t just plain wrong and I wouldn’t go to jail for it, I think I may have strung him up, hog tied him to his Big Wheel, and sent it off down the hill by our house.  What is it with young children at times that they think they know what’s best for them, so they turn a deaf ear to anything we as parents say?  If I had to ask him one more time to "sit up in his seat instead of laying across it like Superman while poking his sister with his fork...", "use his manners...", "eat instead of talk...", and, "YES, you do have to eat all of your carrots for the millionth time..."—while also explaining the importance of first time obedience and what disobedience says about his heart—I almost for a moment considered the thought that going to jail for sending him hog tied over the hill on his Big Wheel may not be so bad after all.  If I was in jail I could read all day, write my blog in my cell at night, and get 3 square meals without any interruption from a 5-year-old who lives to see how many lines he can cross and how many envelopes he can push.  I figure he will be joining me in jail in about 15 years anyway if things keep going like they are, so why not get there before he does so I can show him the ropes when he comes.  


Okay, I know…I’m getting a bit mean-spirited about it…but you know if you are an honest parent, these same thoughts have passed through your mind.  We’ve all thought, “Lord, just let me strap that child to the Big Wheel and send him over the hill…just once, Lord.”  The truth is parenting isn’t given to us by God to reveal our strengths, it is given to us by God to reveal our weaknesses.  That truth stops me in my tracks.  When I want to give up, when I’m going for the rope so that I can hog tie a kid (just kidding), when I really feel that nothing I say or do is getting through to them, I am reminded that I am that wayward child.  I am the one who won’t listen to my heavenly Father, who, like a child who want eat what’s good for him, I won’t ‘taste and see that the Lord is good’ for me, and who has to be told the same truths over and over because for some reason I seem to forget what the Lord continually chastises and reminds me of…only to commit the same sin again and again.  Seventy times seven…that’s how much He forgives us, how patient Jesus is with us, and how we are to be that patient and forgiving those whom God has entrusted us to love and parent...but, dang, that's hard!!!

I heard a song for the first time today and it brought me to my knees.  I had never heard it before, and believe me, being a Pastor, I hear a lot of Christian music, but this song resonated with me because it is written from a different angle.  It is written from the perspective of a believer, maybe a weary parent…a struggling single who wants to be loved, but is looking for that in all the wrong places…a dad who has lost his job or his home and doesn’t know where to turn to provide for his family…a mom who so desperately wants to love her children well, but is so busy taking care of all the household details she falls into bed at night feeling guilty that she may not be doing ‘enough’ to love her kids or her husband.  Whatever your story, this song is for you.  Let the words sink in and remember not only does Jesus save us once and for all, but He saves us daily by rescuing us from who we are on the inside even after we place our trust in Him.  Plus, He keeps me from using rope and a Big Wheel to teach my son a lesson J

Savior, Please

by Josh Wilson

Savior, please take my hand

I work so hard, I live so fast

This life begins, and then it ends

And I do the best that I can, but I don't know how long I'll last

I try to be so tough

But I'm just not strong enough

I can't do this alone, God I need You to hold on to me

I try to be good enough

But I'm nothing without Your love

Savior, please keep saving me

Savior, please help me stand

I fall so hard, I fade so fast

Will You begin right where I end

And be the God of all I am because You're all I have

Hallelujah

Everything You are to me

Is everything I'll ever need

And I am learning to believe

That I don't have to prove a thing

'Cause You're the one who's saving me

It's A Good Thing I'm Not God

The older I get the more impatient I feel with others, even my brothers and sisters in Christ.   My sense of fairness is lacking and my justice leans more towards judgment than mercy.  What’s up with that?  I told some dear friends last night that it’s a good thing I’m not God because I would just blow everybody up because I just don’t have the patience or grace to deal with lack of common sense, lack of good judgment, and unhealthy boundaries in others, but I do and am all of those things, so what am I thinking?  Aren’t you glad I’m not God?  J

When I think about how longsuffering our Lord is, how patient He is with us, how He delays His coming until all have heard whom He calls to Himself, and how He simply loves us even in the filthiest conditions of our heart, I am overwhelmed.  How can I not love a God who loves me like that?  You see, the truth is I am the man whom, if I were God, I would want to annihilate.  You see, my sin is great, and those who hold me accountable and know me best can attest to that, but my Savior is greater.  Jesus said that if we break any part of the law we are guilty of breaking it all, so that tells me that I am an adulterer, fornicator, liar, man of greed, homosexual, man of arrogance, gossiper, murderer, idol maker, and much more.  No, I haven’t actually committed all of these sins during my lifetime, but because I broke the law in the ways that I have, without Jesus, there is no difference between me and my sin and all those who have actually committed the sins I just listed.  The truth is, I have committed some of the sins that I just listed, if not in action, in thought and in the intent of my heart.  If I were God, I would suck the hope right out of the atmosphere because in my finite mind, I’m afraid I would not be able to heap the same love and forgiveness that has been heaped on me.  I realize that, by nature, God is a God of infinite forgiveness and love for the unloveable, but I can’t think like He does because I’m not Him, but when I think about being Him in my natural mind I am limited by my desire to see judgment and see people pay for what they have done.  I need to look in the mirror first and realize I am that man who needs to pay for what he has done.  I deserve the judgment of God, but I won’t ever receive it because I have been bought with a price, I have been bought and redeemed by the precious blood of Christ.  Now that truth, brings me back to reality whenever I may think I would do if I were God, because it stops me in my tracks by reminding me of the great love and forgiveness I have been shown, so how can I not show that to others. 

God…there is only ONE God, and everyone is glad it’s not me because if I were, we would all be fried.  Who am I to even think about being God, but you know it does cross all of our minds from time to time when we see an unfairness or injustice that we can’t control and we don’t feel that God is controlling (even though He is).  All I can say is what 1 John teaches us, “God is light and in Him is no darkness at all…”, so thank heavens the position is already filled because my heart is so dark at times, I would definitely be out of the running.  

  

Lesson from a Child

Their smiles melt my heart and, at times, have literally brought tears to my eyes because of how very much I love them. I have often thought about how intense my love for them is and it reminds me of how that isn't even a miniscule, remote percentage of how much Jesus loves me. Believing parents are consistently reminded of their own relationship with the Father through their interactions with their own children, but I was particularly hit by that fact yesterday when we picked up our 3 kids from an overnight stay with the grandparents.

I am proud to say that both of my girls (we have 2 girls and 1 boy) have become huge daddy's girls. I'm not ashamed of it and I will flaunt that fact wherever I go and whenever I can :)! However, that has become especially true of our youngest, 14-month-old Lyric. She is usually obsessed with her daddy and rarely will let anyone hold her if I am around. She has gotten better about that as she has gotten older and started walking, but the fact is she still will come to me pretty much before anyone--even her precious momma. Ironically, yesterday when we picked them up, she went straight to her mom and didn't want me to hold her. I didn't think too much about it, (though my feelings were slightly wounded--haha), so I just waited for her to get all the momma love she needed and planned on picking her up when Kristen (my wife) put her down. Well, that didn't go so well either. Once she put her down, Lyric became interested in playing with a toy computer that was on the floor, so when I tried to pick her up and love on her, she was having none of that. She had become way more interested in the toy. I sat there crouched down, with my feelings really hurt this time, and thought, "Has she stopped being a daddy's girl? Is she upset with me? Why is she acting like this? All I want to do is love her and hug her and hold, and she won't let me." My heart was broken.

Then the thought came flooding in, "Don't you think that is the way God feels about you? He wants to pour His love over you? He wants to 'hold' you and feel and see you loving Him back with your heart and life, but so many times you turn to things that aren't necessarily bad, but just aren't where He is." It hit me that for the millionth time that God doesn't move, we do. He waits patiently for opportunities to lavish is love and grace on us, but we so often get distracted and go to other things before we ever allow Him into our situations. Just like Lyric went to other things and wasn't interested in me, we do the same to God...or at least I do the same to God. The truth is it doesn't even have to be bad things that I am running to. Lyric ran to valid things before she came to me that weren't bad, and were actually good, but my heart hurt because she didn't run to me first.

How many times do we run to other things, even good things, before we run to Jesus? How do you think that makes Him feel? Of course, He never stops loving us or lavishing His love on us even when we go to other things, but we would find peace so much quicker if we ran to Him first and let everything else fall into place as it should. A lesson learned from a baby. My simple mind needed that reminder.

But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness and all these things shall be added unto you. Matthew 6:33

By the way, Lyric finally realized she needed me, and this morning when her mom got her up she whined and cried until she was in my arms. She's still a daddy's girl, and I'm still the Father's son.

The Journey Begins

I was asked to lunch this past week by a friend and leader in our church to discuss the future of families and their part of our church mission/vision. He and other members of the Executive Leadership Team (ELT) asked me if I would be interested in putting together and facilitating a group that explores what it means to be a mature and equipped family unit, and what it will take for us at Perimeter Church to produce these types of families and have that flow into the culture of who we are and how we do things at our church. I'm excited about this new challenge! I feel like something big could come from it. Not big so that I will have the glory and feel and accomplishment, but BIG...as in God-size BIG. There is something about a project like this that feels like Jesus is right in the middle of it and it has potential to not only affect our own congregation here at Perimeter, but congregations around the world. That's huge to me! It's not about 1 person or 1 dream, it's about a team of people seeking God and truly trying to discover where the role of the family unit fits into discipleship and how we live out our faith together. With a 7 year old, 5 year old, and 14 month old, I am right in the middle of the demographic we are targeting and wanting to come alongside to mature and equip them to live out a genuine faith in Christ as an entire family. Wow! What a pleasure to even be asked to be a part of facilitating something I feel has God's name written all over it!

Later that same day, I met with my mentor, Carl Wilhelm, and we began to discuss briefly the idea of what a mature and equipped family might look like:

1. Biblical structure within home

2. Husband leads by serving the wife, children, and others

3. Enthusiastic attention to the injustices of children and the least and lost of society

4. Clear evidence of close and sincere walk with the Lord as a family unit

5. Higher priority to spend time touching unchurched or unbelieving people than just hang around believers and not venture past those relationships of convenience and comfort

6. Lead well financially--that doesn't mean be wealthy, but spend money wisely and Biblically...basically making Biblical financial decisions

7. Parents more interested in shepherding the hearts of their kids and not just the actions

8. Intimacy in the home--deal with conflict Biblically and quickly. The respect and love for one another in the home is so great that any conflict or disagreement is quickly worked through, even if there is a loving decision to agree to disagree

9. Living out of Deuteronomy 6 and Proverbs 31

10. Consistency is agape love of each other and others

Lord,

As we start this adventure, please give us wisdom to know what a mature and equipped family truly looks like; what material and equipping we need here at Perimeter to make this part of our culture; and show us places that are doing it well so we can come up with some best practices. Anoint this team and do great things. May it truly do well the task that has been assigned it. IN JESUS NAME, Amen!

I read this in The Message Bible in Ephesians 4 this morning:

Is it not true that the One who climbed up also climbed down, down to the valley of earth? And the One who climbed down is the One who climbed back up, up to highest heaven. He handed out gifts above and below, filled heaven with his gifts, filled earth with his gifts. He handed out gifts of apostle, prophet, evangelist, and pastor-teacher to train Christ's followers in skilled servant work, working within Christ's body, the church, until we're all moving rhythmically and easily with each other, efficient and graceful in response to God's Son, fully mature adults, fully developed within and without, fully alive like Christ.

^14-16No prolonged infancies among us, please. We'll not tolerate babes in the woods, small children who are an easy mark for impostors. God wants us to grow up, to know the whole truth and tell it in love—like Christ in everything. We take our lead from Christ, who is the source of everything we do. He keeps us in step with each other. His very breath and blood flow through us, nourishing us so that we will grow up healthy in God, robust in love.

Mature and equipped...according to these verses, that is what God longs for all of us to be. So, with feet of clay and a undeniable need of a gracious and loving Savior and Lord, I move forward and take on this new task I have been asked to be a part of. To God be the glory!